So. I think the world around you is often ignored when it comes to figuring out why you are unhappy. Not a lot of people in Chicago that I know to be unhappy people ever sit up and think “Maybe it’s this place that’s keeping me from being happy.” I encourage anyone who has any level of what you perceive to be depression to analyze this factor. Environmental depression is real. It’s not as serious as chemical depression. I have family, friends and once dated someone who had this issue. My solution can’t help that. This is more for sad saps who think about everything too much. Hah. :-|
When I was a kid in Chicago suburbs, I was never satisfied. I was never okay with summers spent at home, I was never happy about winter time, I was never pleased with anything when it came down to it. I was a broken record - and my friends can attest - it always came back to when I moved back home - here to the Bay Area. That’s what I always brought it back to. Since the day we drove away from our house in San Jose, it was the only constant in my mind. Like a lost dog - I have to make it back home.
This accumulated in me. My family took numerous summer trips, plenty of which were westward bound, and those are my best childhood memories (no offense, friends). My favorite times growing up were when I wasn’t there. I didn’t like that place. I resented it. I still do. I was fortunate enough to spend a lot of my summers out here, at my Uncle’s place in San Jose. My willingness and DESIRE to abandon my friends every summer was evident and unhidden. I didn’t care enough to stay. Which is kinda crazy to me, because I would have been offended if I were in their shoes. Thanks guys, for being cool with it.
My real point is, I finally felt a weight off of my shoulders when I moved away. When I finally moved back home to San Jose. The circumstances were even kind of bogus, but it worked. I felt good. I felt happier.
Time went on, and I ended up back in Chicago. So bummed. BUT I was doing something I dreamed of, and that made it okay. It was just like when I was young - I was never even there, so I could hardly call it home. I was still planning my next move back to California. Hell - even the songs I wrote couldn’t be about anything else. It was/is kind of an obsession. I was living a life-long dream, and yet I still found a way to be unhappy, sad, angry, you name it - I wasn’t psyched. Even when finding love out there, my only focus was “I can’t wait to get out of this city,” and “I love you, but I can’t ever ask someone to leave with me again.” Needless to say that last line wasn’t good for my love life. haha
I’m rambling. What’s important is this: Once I left Chicago in 2013, after making the decision in December 2012, I arrived here. Home. Where I’ve dreamed to be my entire life. It was like an instant weight off of my shoulders. The clouds were gone. The anger subsided. I stopped caring about little things as much - don’t get me wrong, I’m still a worrier, but it doesn’t ruin my day anymore. haha
My point being, change your surroundings, and then even looking back into what you thought was terrible at one point, you learn to appreciate.
I truly believe that if I had all of the same things I had in Chicago, but here, that I wouldn’t have ran away from it. At the end of the day I can say this “At least I love where I live, and I am where I want to be.” And I dunno, for me - that’s huge. That helps me a lot. After years of having no silver lining, it really helps.
I dunno. If you’re sad all the time, try moving. It’s actually really easy.
I’m not deep and I’m not saying anything revolutionary here, but… I kinda just wanted to type this out on this thing.